The SECRET of Instant Likability
The underrated psychology trick behind charisma.
You’re meeting a potential client over coffee.
You notice how they lean forward when they speak, so you subtly do the same. They laugh gregariously when you make fun of yourself and they also start to be a little self-deprecating, and in turn you burst out laughing.
You didn’t plan it.
You’re not acting like a parrot.
It’s just happening.
And you like this person and you want to make it work. It seems they like you too.
Here’s the crazy part:
By the end of the meeting, they’re smiling, being open-minded, and saying yes.
You leave with a handshake and a deal.
What just happened?
The Chameleon Effect.
It’s why charismatic people often “match the room.”
Why we feel closer to people who reflect our energy.
Why we trust people who speak our language: literally and emotionally.
This isn’t flattery.
It’s deep-wired connection. It’s our human psychology at work.
🧪 STUDY
In a 1999 study, Chartrand and Bargh asked participants to work on a task with an actor (who was in on the experiment).
In one condition, the actor mirrored the participant’s posture, gestures, and facial expressions.
In the other condition, they didn’t.
👀 The results?
Participants liked the mimickers significantly more and reported feeling a stronger bond despite not consciously noticing the mimicry.
✨ It turns out:
We like people who behave like us.
Because familiarity = safety.
And safety = trust.
WHY THIS WORKS
🧠 Mirror neurons fire when we observe others, making us feel what they feel. Mimicry creates subconscious emotional resonance.
🌱 Evolutionary biology favors those who fit in. Early humans who matched the tribe’s cues were more likely to survive and thrive.
💡 Social fluency is built on alignment. When someone acts “like us,” it signals they get us and that makes them easier to trust.
This isn’t manipulation.
It’s social intelligence in action.
♟ STRATEGY
Want to increase your influence? Be likable instantly?
Mirror to connect. Match to build trust.
✅ Marketers → Use your customer’s tone, pace, and phrases in copy. Speak like they speak to attract more of them.
✅ Business Owners → Reflect your client’s preferred communication style: longform or brief, high-energy or calm.
✅ Leaders → In 1:1s, subtly mirror body language and speech cadence. It builds deep rapport, especially in hard conversations.
✅ Professionals → In interviews or meetings, echo keywords and emotional cues. You’ll become instantly more relatable.
✅ Everyone → Mirror smiles, nods, and eye contact whenever you’re with someone. You’ll feel more connected and so will they.
Remember:
We trust what feels familiar.
We follow those who “feel like us.”
And we say yes to people who get us.
Howie Chan
Creator of Influence Anyone