Why Emotion is The Key to Influence and Decision Making
The 3-Step Emotional Trigger Map
there’s something we both know, even if we rarely say it out loud:
No one remembers what you said.
They remember how you made them feel.
Maya Angelou didn’t just give us a poetic line, she gave us the operating manual for human behavior:
“People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Maya Angelou
And yet, most leaders still try to influence with logic first. Powerpoint decks. Data. Charts and graphs.
I’m not saying logic doesn’t work. It does, but it’ll work 10x better when paired with the right emotions.
Because here’s the part you can’t refute:
Heartset: Humans don’t make decisions logically. We make them emotionally, then justify with logic.
“Our emotions are the dominant driver of most decisions—intuition comes first, reasoning second.”
Daniel Kahneman (Psychologist, Nobel Laureate)
Let me tell you a story about The Man Who Couldn’t Decide.
In the 1990s, neuroscientist Antonio Damasio met a man named Elliot, an intelligent, successful executive who needed surgery to remove a tumor near the emotional center of his brain.
The surgery saved his life.
But afterward, something strange happened: Elliot could reason perfectly… yet he couldn’t make any decisions.
Not what to eat.
Not which meeting to schedule.
Not which document to sign.
He could list every logical pro and con. He just couldn’t choose.
Why?
The surgery had accidentally severed the part of his brain that generates emotion.
And without emotion, Elliot lost the ability to sense what mattered. No pull toward a good option. No push away from a bad one.
Pure logic with zero actions.
Damasio’s conclusion was revolutionary:
Emotion isn’t the enemy of reason.
Emotion is what makes reason possible.
Read that again.
“We are not thinking machines that feel; we are feeling machines that think.”
Dr. Antonio Damasio (Neuroscientist & Psychologist)
So what does this mean?
Mindset: Design the emotion → unlock the behavior.
Today’s issue gives you the tool to do that ethically and intentionally.
A 3-Step Emotional Trigger Map.
Use it to influence your team.
Use it in sales.
Use it at home.
Use it anywhere someone needs to say yes… to you, to themselves, or to a new and better future.
Let’s begin.
Skillset: 3-Step Emotional Trigger Map.
A simple, ethical framework for engineering the feeling that unlocks the yes.
It’s just 3 steps.
STEP 1: Define the Yes
Influence collapses when your goal is vague. You must define the behavioral target with precision:
Not: “I want the team to be more strategic.”
But: “I want them to adopt this decision-making framework by Friday.”
Not: “I want customers to care about our product.”
But: “I want them to try the 14-day free trial.”
Emotion needs direction.
Feelings need a destination.
Define the yes before you design the feeling. What behavior are you trying to influence?
STEP 2: Identify the Required Emotion (Pull or Push)
PULL EMOTIONS (draw them toward the future)
These include:
Pride
Excitement
Inspiration
Hope
Belonging
Use Pull when the person is open, curious, or already leaning in.
Pull emotions sound like:
“This could be amazing.”
“This feels right.”
“This is who I want to become.”
PUSH EMOTIONS (push them away from the status quo)
These include:
Urgency
Regret aversion
Discomfort with inaction
Feeling of loss
“We avoid loss like our lives depend on it. We feel loss twice as much as gains.”
Howie Chan
Pull = carrot.
Push = stick.
Which emotion is the most relevant and true to the situation? It’s about elevation an existing emotion to the foreground, not manufacturing something that isn’t there. Manufacturing is manipulation whereas elevation is empathy.
STEP 3: Select the Emotional Activator
Below are five activators, each with one Pull example and one Push example you can use immediately.
ACTIVATOR 1 — STORY
Story is the delivery mechanism for emotion.
PULL Story Example (Pride / Aspiration): “Last year, a team took the same leap you’re considering and it became the decision they were most proud of.”
PUSH Story Example (Regret / Loss): “Another team waited. By the time they acted, the opportunity had closed and they spent the year playing catch-up.”
ACTIVATOR 2 — SENSORY DETAIL
Sensory detail makes them feel the decision in their body.
PULL Sensory Example (Relief / Excitement): “Imagine starting Monday knowing the system is smooth, your inbox is clean, and your team is finally aligned.”
PUSH Sensory Example (Frustration / Instability): “Picture the alternative: another Monday of chaos, missed details, and fires that keep stealing your focus.”
ACTIVATOR 3 — IDENTITY ALIGNMENT
Identity is the deepest emotional driver.
PULL Identity Example (Aspiration): “You’ve always been the leader who moves early when the signal is clear. This is one of those moments.”
PUSH Identity Example (Inconsistency): “If we delay, it contradicts who we say we are: a team that leads, not follows.”
ACTIVATOR 4 — SOCIAL PROOF
People move when they see people like themselves already moving.
PULL Social Proof Example (Belonging / Momentum): “Three teams at your level implemented this last month and they’re already seeing early wins.”
PUSH Social Proof Example (Competitive Pressure): “Your closest competitor adopted this approach last quarter. The longer we wait, the more ground we give up.”
ACTIVATOR 5 — ENVIRONMENT DESIGN
Place the message inside the emotional reality where the decision must live.
PULL Environment Example (Immersion into the Desired Future)
You want your family excited about a vacation?
Don’t pitch the idea. Let them taste the food, hear the music, see one vivid image.
Give them the feeling of already being there.
PUSH Environment Example (Feeling the Cost of Inaction)
You want your team to embrace customer-centricity? Don’t announce it in a boardroom.
Hold the conversation in the support center, on the factory floor, or in the field where customer pain is visceral and undeniable.
Environment is emotion.
Emotion is behavior.
The Big Truth
Influence isn’t just about clever wording. It’s about designing the feeling required to unlock the behavior.
Do that ethically grounded in truth and people move.
Not because you pushed them. But because you helped them feel the path forward.
Do you know of someone who is ambitious and would love this newsletter? Do them a favor and forward it along!
If you like this issue about emotion, you’ll love:
The SECRET of Instant Likability (The underrated psychology trick behind charisma.)
What Apple’s Disaster Teaches Us About Human Behavior (The single most important factor when influencing human behavior.)
The Secret to Selling Without Being Salesy (4 ways to sell and feel great about it.)
Change behavior, change lives 🤘🏽
Howie Chan
Creator of Influence Anyone
Follow me on LinkedIn
Don’t miss:
The Influence Anyone Podcast
We’ve talked a lot about emotion, but it’s just one piece of the puzzle. In this episode, I break down the six truths of human behavior: from status to identity to loss and reveal the Behavioring OS, a simple framework for influencing anyone ethically and effectively.
If you want people to say yes more often, start here.
🎧 Listen to the full episode on Apple, Spotify, the Web or wherever you get your podcasts.