Why We Can't Help But Return The Favor
The reciprocity principle in action.
You’re at a camping convention.
You stop by just to browse, and the rep hands you a free tote bag. You didn’t plan to buy anything, but somehow you feel obliged to stay a little longer.
Staying longer turned into trying out a new camping chair. As you sit in the chair, they hand you a can of sparkling water.
You feel this pull. This subtle pressure.
Almost like you owe them.
You decide to buy the chair, telling yourself that you needed some new ones anyway. (I was camping last weekend and I really do need some new camping chairs!)
That, my friend, is the Reciprocity Principle in full effect.
It’s why free samples work.
Why lead magnets convert.
Why Costco hands out meatballs on toothpicks.
We’re wired to return favors, even ones we didn’t ask for.
It’s not manipulation.
It’s ancient programming.
(Watch a 57 sec video where Robert Cialdini explains the principle of reciprocity.)
🧪 STUDY
In 1971, psychologist Dennis Regan ran a fascinating experiment on reciprocity.
Participants were asked to rate paintings as part of an art experiment.
But here’s the twist…
Half of them were casually handed a Coke by the researcher.
The other half got nothing.
Later, the researcher asked each participant to buy raffle tickets.
And here’s the kicker:
Those who got the free Coke bought TWICE as many tickets.
Even though the Coke was unsolicited. Even though it had nothing to do with the raffle. 🤯
The simple act of receiving something first made people more likely to say yes.
Why This Works
Oxytocin release: Acts of generosity activate the brain’s reward centers and increase oxytocin (the trust hormone), creating stronger emotional bonds.
Cognitive dissonance: When someone gives us something, and we don’t reciprocate, our brain feels discomfort and we’re motivated to restore balance.
Reputation signaling: Giving and reciprocating strengthen social status. From cavemen to coworkers, reciprocity = reliability.
This is not manipulation.
It’s mutual survival, rebranded!
♟ STRATEGY
You want to influence people?
Don’t start by asking who can give you something.
Start by asking yourself what can I give?
✅ Marketers →
Offer free resources (PDFs, swipe files, toolkits) before selling. It primes trust and makes your CTA feel earned.
✅ Business Owners →
Onboard new clients with a small, unexpected bonus. A custom insight. A welcome gift.
It builds emotional debt—in a good way.
✅ Leaders →
Give praise publicly and support quietly. A kind gesture now opens the door for loyalty later.
✅ Professionals →
Send a helpful link, intro, or suggestion before asking for help or buy-in. It’s a soft nudge that earns attention.
✅ Personal Life →
Compliment first. Bring coffee. Offer help.
People don’t remember facts—they remember how you made them feel.
Influence doesn’t start with a pitch.
It starts with generosity.
Because humans don’t just repay money.
They repay kindness (by 200%!)
Give first. Ask later.
Howie Chan
Creator of Influence Anyone