How Our Identities Control What We Do and Why Story is a Deal
5 ways to shape human behavior based on human truths.
You know what’s mindblowing? The fact that our eyes can only see 0.0035% of the light spectrum and we walk around thinking that we are seeing what’s objectively real.
The truth is your brain isn’t recording reality like a camera. It’s remixing it, turning the world into an unfolding narrative—with you as the main character.
And guess what? Everyone else is doing the same thing.
Our perception and story is our REALITY!
So if you want to change minds, attract customers, or build a movement, you must understand this:
🚀 People don’t change because of objective rational. They change because a story offers them a better version of themselves.
That’s how cults work. It’s no wonder even the smartest people join cults. It’s not about logic, it’s about their story (and think about how Elizabeth Holmes tricked millions from the biggest investors).
So a few weeks ago, I sat down with Will Storr
Will Storr is an award-winning journalist, bestselling author, and one of the world’s foremost experts on the science of storytelling. His books—including The Science of Storytelling and The Status Game—unpack how stories shape our beliefs, our behavior, and even our sense of self. (See the trailer on LinkedIn or IG).
He’s been featured in The New Yorker, The Guardian, and The Times, and his research has influenced everyone from marketers to psychologists to world leaders.
In our conversation, we uncovered something powerful:
“Human beings experience reality as a story. The brain remixes the world around us and turns it into this unfolding narrative… and puts us in the middle of it.”
Will Storr
This means when you try to influence someone—whether it’s selling an idea, a product, or a movement—you’re not convincing them. You’re competing with their existing story.
So here’s the mistake most people make:
They try to argue people into change.
❌ Wrong move.
Because when you challenge someone’s beliefs directly, you’re not just questioning an idea—you’re questioning who they are. And when that happens, their brain goes into defense mode.
But there’s a better way.
The Mindset Shift: Stop Arguing. Start Storytelling.
The most powerful way to change behavior?
Give people a story that aligns with their identity.
A persuasive story makes a deal with your audience:
✔️ “If you buy this, believe this, or follow this, you become part of a group you want to belong to.”
✔️ “If you do this, you increase your status in a way that matters to you.”
That’s why Nike doesn’t just sell shoes—they sell belonging.
That’s why Apple doesn’t just sell tech—they sell status and creativity.
That’s why politicians don’t just sell policies—they sell identity.
“A persuasive story makes a deal with your identity. If you allow me to persuade you, you get to be part of something bigger—or become a better version of yourself.”
Will Storr
So if you want to lead, influence, or sell, stop asking: “How do I prove I’m right?”
Instead, ask:
🔥 “How does my story make my audience feel like a hero?”
5 Ways to Shape Human Behavior Through Story
Want to influence? Here’s the playbook:
1. Understand the Story People Already Believe
Every person, customer, or audience is already telling themselves a story. Your job isn’t to replace it—it’s to fit into it.
🔹 What do they believe about themselves?
🔹 Who do they see as the hero?
🔹 What do they fear?
If your message aligns with their existing identity, it will resonate.
2. Make a Deal with Their Identity
People don’t just buy products. They buy who they become when they use them.
Nike’s message isn’t “Buy our sneakers.” It’s: “You are an athlete.”
Patagonia’s message isn’t “Buy our jackets.” It’s: “You are Earth’s savior.”
What identity does your story offer?
3. Offer Status (and Let Them Show It Off)
People are playing invisible status games—all the time. The key to persuasion? Make your audience feel like they’re leveling up.
Think:
💎 Frequent flyer programs (Platinum status = high value)
💎 Apple’s sleek design (Using a Macbook = creative)
💎 Paid online communities (Exclusive access = insider status)
If you can offer status, you win.
4. Use the “New Old Story” Technique
Radical change scares people. If you want to introduce something new, frame it as a continuation of something they already believe.
🔥 Instead of “This is brand new,” say: “This is who we’ve always been—just better.”
Example: When Abraham Lincoln fought against slavery’s expansion, he didn’t say, “Let’s change America.” He said, “The Founding Fathers never wanted this.” He made abolition feel like a return to core values.
What’s the “New Old Story” in your message?
5. Show Up as the Character They Trust
Influence isn’t just about what you say. It’s about who you are.
“We’re living a story, so every day, when we interact with others, we’re showing up as a character in their story.”
Will Storr
That’s why Steve Jobs dressed the way he did.
That’s why Brene Brown speaks the way she does.
That’s why great leaders embody their message.
If you want to lead, you have to be the story you’re telling.
Your Next Move: Influence by Story, Not Force
The next time you want to persuade someone—whether it’s a customer, a team, or even a friend—remember this:
🚀 Facts don’t change minds. Stories do.
✔️ Understand the existing story
✔️ Offer a deal with identity
✔️ Elevate status
✔️ Make the future feel familiar
✔️ Show up as the right character
Because when you master this, influence isn’t a battle—it’s an invitation.
Now go tell your story. 🔥
This week, for our influence psychology lesson:
The Authority Bias
Here’s something wild: people are way more likely to follow orders if they come from someone who looks like an authority, even if what they’re saying makes zero sense.
It’s called Authority Bias, and it means that when an expert (or just someone in a suit) tells us to do something, we’re wired to listen.
Quick example: Ever noticed how doctors in commercials instantly make a product seem more legit? Slap a lab coat on someone, and suddenly, we trust them more, even if they’re just an actor.
Crazy stat: In the famous Milgram experiment, 65% of people kept giving (what they thought were) fatal electric shocks to others just because a guy in a white coat told them to. (Study here).
So next time you need to build credibility, borrow authority. Testimonials from experts, professional looking design, even how you dress, it all boosts trust and influence.
Howie Chan
Creator of Influence Anyone
Don’t miss:
The Influence Anyone Podcast
Will and I get into the stories of identity, how we make decisions and why my experience of getting laid-off reflect real pain. Will has been on Joe Rogan, Modern Wisdom, and other amazing podcasts, he shares something a little different on mine.
🎧 Listen to the full episode on Apple, Spotify, the web or wherever you get your podcasts.