The Truth About Non-Verbal Communication
6 ways to immediately level up the way you communicate.
I think you agree: the way we communicate goes far beyond words.
But here’s the kicker, what you’ve been told about non-verbal communication is probably wrong.
That famous stat claiming "93% of communication is non-verbal"? It's a gross oversimplification.
I sat down with Blake Eastman, ex poker pro and founder of the Nonverbal group to talk about his journey and what he has learned in over a decade of self-funded research and coaching on non-verbal communication.
As Blake Eastman points out:
"It’s the most nonsense thing I’ve ever heard. The author of the study himself said it was being misrepresented, and yet everyone still throws it around like a hard fact."
Non-verbal communication isn’t about a one-size-fits-all rule; it’s about mastering the art of subtlety, alignment, and context.
If you’ve ever wondered how to elevate your interactions, it’s time to move beyond the myths and into the deeper, more nuanced world of non-verbal communication.
THE LESSON
Non-verbal communication is about alignment, not following rules.
Howie Chan
The idea that "most communication is non-verbal" misses the point. Non-verbal cues amplify, diminish, or align with what you're saying, but they don’t exist in isolation. Blake emphasized that the magic of non-verbal communication lies in its complexity and contextual nature:
"Everybody processes the world differently. Some people focus on tone, others on gestures or eye contact. It’s impossible to create a universal rule about how much of communication is non-verbal—it’s all about how it works for the individual and the situation."
Blake Eastman
Imagine walking into a meeting and maintaining a perfectly neutral face while presenting exciting news. Your tone may convey enthusiasm, but if your body language doesn’t match, the impact will be lost. On the flip side, overdoing a smile or exaggerating gestures might feel inauthentic.
The key is alignment: ensuring your non-verbal behavior supports the message you want to send.
❤️ Heartset: Non-verbal communication is how you build or break trust
Non-verbal communication is the silent architect of trust, connection, and influence. It’s what makes your words resonate or fall flat. It’s the difference between OK and Legendary 🤘🏽.
But this isn’t about mastering generic tips like “maintain eye contact” or “stand tall.” It’s about becoming attuned to how you come across in real situations. This self-awareness can be the difference between closing a deal, building a meaningful relationship, or being misunderstood entirely.
I never tell people how to act. My focus is making sure their behavior aligns with how they want to be perceived
Blake Eastman
If you’ve ever left a meeting thinking, “Why didn’t they get me?”—your non-verbal cues might hold the answer.
🧠 Mindset: It’s not about following rules, it’s about curiosity and adaptability
It’s time to leave behind the idea that there’s a universal set of non-verbal “rules.” Instead, embrace a mindset of curiosity and adaptability.
Ask yourself:
Am I aware of how my body language aligns with my words?
Do I adjust my non-verbal cues based on who I’m speaking to?
Am I projecting what I want others to perceive in me?
Blake explains:
"Human behavior and communication are infinitely complex. Before you navigate it, you have to understand that complexity. Then it gets easier—but only if you stop taking surface-level advice at face value."
🧰 Skillset: Six ways to elevate your non-verbal game
Blake’s advice isn’t about memorizing gestures or postures—it’s about embracing the complexity of human behavior. Here’s how you can start improving your non-verbal communication today:
1/ Record and Reflect
Set up a camera during a conversation or meeting to capture your natural behavior.
Watch it back. Are your expressions, gestures, and tone aligned with your message?
Take note of anything that feels inconsistent or out of sync.
You’d be surprised what you catch on camera—gestures you didn’t know you were making, or how often you break eye contact. That awareness is where growth begins.
Blake Eastman
2/ Add Context to Your Interactions
Want to avoid misunderstandings? Provide verbal context for behaviors that might seem off-putting. For example:
“If I check my phone during this call, it’s because I’m waiting on an important update—not because I’m distracted.”
This small addition can prevent unnecessary tension and foster trust.
3/ Tailor Your Approach
Non-verbal communication varies by culture, environment, and even industry. What works in a creative team brainstorm might not fly in a high-stakes corporate meeting.
Observe the social norms of your setting and adapt your cues accordingly.
Non-verbal communication isn’t universal. What’s effective in one context might completely backfire in another. You have to read the room.
Blake Eastman
4/ Refine Your Introductions
Strong introductions set the tone for connection. Instead of a flat “I work in marketing,” try:
“I’m in marketing, focusing on storytelling and creative campaigns. Outside of work, I’m obsessed with pickleball and my latest sci-fi read.”
Give people something to latch onto and engage with.
5/ Seek Feedback
Ask trusted colleagues, mentors, or friends for their honest perception of your non-verbal cues.
Questions like, “Do I seem approachable?” or “How do I come across in meetings?” can offer invaluable insights.
6/ Experiment and Iterate
Treat non-verbal communication as a dynamic skill. Try small adjustments—like smiling more often or softening your tone—and observe the reactions.
Revel in the complexity of non-verbal communications
Non-verbal communication isn’t about smiling in the right way or holding eye contact for exactly 3 seconds. It’s about understanding the nuances of human behavior and how your unique style impacts others.
Take Blake’s perspective to heart: "Every interaction is an opportunity to align your behavior with your goals. It’s not about perfection—it’s about intention and growth."
Start small, observe yourself, and be open to experimenting. Because when your words and body language work together, you’re not just heard—you’re felt.
Here’s to making your communication legendary, and in turn become more attractive and influential.
Howie Chan
Creator of Influence Anyone
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Don’t miss:
The Influence Anyone Podcast
Learn the truth behind the lies you’ve been told about body language.
🎧 Listen to it on Apple, Spotify, the web or wherever you get your podcasts.